Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive and gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all; and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (but not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, gender, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:
1. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
2. It is freely transferable, but without alteration to the original greeting.
3. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
4. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and the warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the solstice.
Issued by Santa's Elfin Safety in conjunction with The Government's Ed Balls Up.
Have a great Christmas y'all