WAY OFF TOPIC but....

**skyhawka4m** · July 19th, 2011, 18:53

I am reaching out to my freinds for shoulders tonight.

My wife announced to me this morning she wanted a divorce. It has me all tore up inside and out, and my son, Matthew, is beside himself.

I know this is odd to some but......I'm really needing some good words right now.

thanks folks.......and I am sorry for the way off topic

john binford

**Walter** · July 19th, 2011, 19:00

Dang! I'm sorry man! I know that we have never really interacted, but please take comfort in knowing that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm sorry to hear about that...

Walter

**N2056** · July 19th, 2011, 19:06

John, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I'm especially sorry to hear that there is a child involved. I wish I had some sort of advice to give, but realistically I don't. Certainly your family will be in thought and prayer during this time.

Hang in there!

**MudMarine** · July 19th, 2011, 19:08

Sorry to hear that John! I've been there, about two years ago. Healing comes one day at a time. It's not easy hearing the person you trusted tell you that she no longer loves you. I found comfort in my family and faith. I know it probably doesn't help you much right now but I'm the happiest I've been in a long time; you will be again also someday soon! The end of a not so good/bad marriage ending was like lifting ton off my heart! Hang in and know there are people that truely love you for you!!

***fallenphoenix1986*** · July 19th, 2011, 19:21

Sorry dude

My parents went through this when I was 7, it hurt at first but just like MudMarine said it gets better. As long as your both there for your son he'll be fine.

Craig

***Sundog*** · July 19th, 2011, 19:25

I don't have any sagely advice other than for you to hang in there and take it one day at a time. Also, talk to whoever you need to talk to, don't bottle it up. I wish you the best in getting through this trying time.

**Felixthreeone** · July 19th, 2011, 19:29

Wow. I am truly saddened to hear that, John. I am a firm believer, though, that people like yourself are resilient. And, with the prayers and thoughts of those here in this tight-knit community, you can make it through this extremely difficult time. Hang in there, pal

**Bob.sc** · July 19th, 2011, 19:44

Sorry to hear of this John. Take care of business and press forward with your life and care for your son.
Always sounds like 'bad news' but you know sometimes...this can be 'Good news' if you know what I mean.
Hang tight,
Bob

**cputters** · July 19th, 2011, 20:13

Hey John

I know I'm very green on these boards, but as someone who has just gone through this, I can tell you it gets better mate.

Try to keep it civil with the child's interests in mind and it'll all work out.

Chris

**Hughes-MDflyer4** · July 19th, 2011, 20:33

John,

Very sorry to hear this! You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Best Regards,
Brandon

**roger-wilco-66** · July 19th, 2011, 22:45

Hi John,

I know how that feels, I've been there too, and it's terrible - but only in the first stadium.
All I can say from my experience is carry on, keep your son in your focus, and you and he will be fine. What Mudmarine mentioned above reflects very much how I feel today about it. The whole thing lifted a ton off my shoulders once I got over the blues.

All the best,
Mark

PS: A song came to my mind that I listen to very often in these days and that was sort of a guidance:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

***Roger*** · July 19th, 2011, 23:02

I've been there John and it hurts like hell, but time and a fresh angle on things does help the healing.
As you wrote it is way off topic but it's good that you think of this forum as your second home...you will be in all our thoughts.

Roger.

**MenendezDiego** · July 19th, 2011, 23:19

I know it doesn't seem to make sense, but your bond with your son will only grow stronger because of this.

Regards, Diego

**DaveQ** · July 19th, 2011, 23:49

So sorry to hear your sad news John. For what it's worth, when my first wife and I divorced it was hell for a while but the thing that still holds us together is our three children, as well as a deep abiding love and affection. I remarried but that went t*ts up 4 years ago and I'm back with my first wife. The kids are grown up (the youngest is 31) and we're very happy growing old together. You never really know where these things will end so don't give up on it.

Sincere best wishes

DaveQ

**Ascua02** · July 20th, 2011, 03:06

Hi John, been there recently (as a matter of fact fighting the last odds and sods).

It hurts like a son of a bit** and seems like life has gone down the drain.

But what all the lads here have said is right, the pain will grow smaller, things will ease and as MudMarine said you will feel like something heavy has been lifted from your shoulders. Not today or next month but one of these days you WILL wake up and find that once again you are proud to see that chap in the mirror in the morning.

A somebody said to me at the time: "In this order, take care of yourself, keep on your feet and hang in there (your son will need YOU), keep it as civil and diplomatic as possible (neither you or your son need anymore hassle) and finally take very much care of the kid."

Nothing more to say, Pal, keep your feet on the floor, the nose in the air and avoid the stall. And if you need something, just shout.

Saludos Hermano

Jose Angel "Ascua02"

**jeansy** · July 20th, 2011, 03:21

Mate , i hear your pain

it happened to me when i got back from Iraq back in 03

its a ****ty feeling I know and really nothing we can say will help you sleep better at the moment

as much as you disagree right now, sometimes it better off to go seperate ways if one person doesnt want to continue than try and make a short term fix and go through it again down the track or live in doubt

I made that mistake trying to fix it, to only delay it and find out the a few months later she brought it up again, i only delayed the heartache and grief, instead of moving on

best of luck for yourself and son on whatever course of action you take and stick to

You will always have your brethren here to distract you and help pass the time

**txnetcop** · July 20th, 2011, 03:23

John would you and she consider going to marriage counseling? If not, a lot of what I have seen above me here is true. You're in for a lot of pain but one day at a time the sun gets brighter, days become more tolerable and eventually you find you're alive and well on planet earth and tomorrow is new day. Stay very close to your son. Say nothing negative about his mom just encourage him to get through it with you. YOUR family will be in our prayers
Ted

**wantok** · July 20th, 2011, 09:29

No need to apologize for being off-topic, John. You did the right thing by turning to your friends and family on this board. No point bottling it up inside; the more you you do, the more it hurts you and your son. Apart from us, please seek advise and counseling from your local clergy, relatives and close friends to prepare for the next chapter in your lives. More importantly, be strong and focused on your son as he will need you more now than ever before.

God Bless!

**MudMarine** · July 20th, 2011, 10:34

Turn to friends! Don't turn towards anger or booze! Negative isn't the way to deal with it. I spent a lot of time reflecting, figuring out the things I could do diffrently in my life. I came to the conclusion that she wasn't the one who wanted to do the "work" that makes a marriage. Now, 2 years later, I've met someone who is the woman/person of my dreams! Life is a lesson, we have to stop and listen to that lesson sometimes. It isn't always easy but it's always worth the effort!

**IanHenry** · July 20th, 2011, 10:44

Hi John,
I'm sorry to hear of your sad news, I assume there is no chance of a reconciliation?<o

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Just remember good times always follow bad.
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Good luck,
Ian.

**Warrant** · July 20th, 2011, 11:38

Bad things happen, mate. Though rough and painfull, it will not make the world stop spinning, nor will it make oxygen go away. The sun will rise next morning, in total disregard of what happened the morning before. In other words, try to give it a place, take time for yourself and your son to respond to this emotional happening, place it into perspective.

This stuff hurts, and it takes a while but it will get better.

Hope you find some good attraction to pull you off the subject every once in a while in between.

Good luck, mate

**Lateral-G** · July 20th, 2011, 12:53

Originally Posted by skyhawka4m

I am reaching out to my freinds for shoulders tonight.

My wife announced to me this morning she wanted a divorce. It has me all tore up inside and out, and my son, Matthew, is beside himself.

I know this is odd to some but......I'm really needing some good words right now.

thanks folks.......and I am sorry for the way off topic

john binford

Chin up John. I know it seems like dark times right now but it will get better.

I do feel bad for your son. Kids are always caught in the middle with divorce. They often feel like it's their fault and if they had done something or could do something it would make things all better. You have to sit down and talk to him and make sure he understands it's not his fault and that sometimes people who thought they were in love can grow apart and want to go in different directions. However, just because they don't love one another anymore the love for their children is still there and will always be.

In my case divorce was the best thing that could have happened when my ex sprung it on me. I have since found a wonderful woman and we've been happily married over 5 years now and even have a little girl between us. My two kids from the previous marriage (and her two from her first) all get along great and we have a wonderful and happy home.

You will get thru this. Be strong for your son.

cheers,

Jeff

**Phantom88** · July 20th, 2011, 13:30

John,Hang in there buddy,Your son comes 1st,You always have friends[a family really] here to talk to.

**CodyValkyrie** · July 20th, 2011, 14:21

I'm in the middle of a divorce right now mate. What always keeps me going is my dedication to my work, friends and family. I always have a roof over my head, and food and my plate. We survive because we have no choice, and better days are always around the corner.

Cheers mate. I wish you the best. I will pray for you and your family.

-Cody

**skyhawka4m** · July 20th, 2011, 21:41

wow.....I am so blessed by this group of people. This has been the hardest two days I've gone through since the passing of my father.

I read and re-read all your posts and will admit to some tears. I am a big baby right now and its mainly for my son.

thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Its amazing when you don't know someone to their face but I know I'd give you all hugs if I saw you in person. God knows I need one........

thank you