OT: Upcoming holiday eating tips

[Snuffy]

Just cuz I care for you guys n gals here, I felt it was only appropriate that I write something to help you all with your festive eating habits so that you will all be here next year ...

-- HOLIDAY EATING TIPS --

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It will soon be Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, please, have some standards!

10. One final tip: Wear sweatpants/loose fitting clothing. If you are leaving the party and you can walk without help from a construction forklift, "you haven't been paying attention, people!"


Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to
live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!!

[n4gix]

Excellent tips. Except for the fruitcake. I like fruitcake! :ernae:

[dogknot]

Great tips, Snuff! I intend to follow them to the letter.

[Tako_Kichi]

Excellent tips. Except for the fruitcake. I like fruitcake! :ernae:

A man after my own heart Bill, I too love fruitcake. The darker the better and I still miss my Mum's every Xmas. I've not seen her in 10 years thanks to an ocean between us now but she made a killer fruitcake that almost got your drunk as you were eating it.

She would start it around September when she would soak the fruit in sherry for a couple of days before baking the cake. Once baked it was placed in an old cookie tin and the lid was taped shut to keep it airtight so that it could 'mature'. Just before Xmas it would come out to be made ready for the table. First she would skewer the cake from the top and fill the skewer holes with brandy. The marzipan would go on next and then it was 'painted' with vodka to help the soft, sugar paste icing, stick to the marzipan. The taste on Xmas day was simply unbelievable and I have yet to come across a fruitcake to better it.

She made the wedding cakes for my second wedding and I insisted they were her fruitcake recipe and the Canadians could not believe it when they tried it. Most had never seen a fruitcake wedding cake before and they are very common in the UK. We still have the handmade sugar flowers from that cake in a box 18 years later!

[CP1207]

Loved the fruitcake!
American fruitcake not much at all, but made with a recipe from the Empire- OMG!!!
My Mum forgot how to make it a couple of years ago and this year is no longer here, so no chance of having it again, but agree the darker the better, and I'm only sorry she made hers without apparently enough alcohol!

[gigabyte]

It's been a few years but I used to make a fruit cake (I think that is what it was suposed to be...) here is the receipt as best I can remember;

Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredents;
1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, 4 large eggs, 2 cups dried fruit, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 cup brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, 1 gallon whiskey

Directions;
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer;
beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.
Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit
Mix on the turner. (If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.)
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. (very important do not forget this step)
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey. (you can never be too sure, the stuff does evapoerate or sumptin it must see how much is gone already)
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner
Throw the bowl out of the window
Check for any remaining whiskey, if there is any test it, until you are sure - sure it's all gone.
Go to bed
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

[n4gix]

A man after my own heart Bill, I too love fruitcake. The darker the better and I still miss my Mum's every Xmas. I've not seen her in 10 years thanks to an ocean between us now but she made a killer fruitcake that almost got your drunk as you were eating it.

Your mum's fruitcake sound like it's to die for! When I was but a tiny tot (last century), I looked forward to us stopping off near Lake Okeechobee (largest freshwater lake in Florida) on our way to my aunt's farm up in Bowling Green, Florida to pick up fresh fruitcake from a bakery there. It was dark, dark, DARK and filled with goodness.

Before serving, plugs were taken out, and brandy and/or rum was poured into the holes and allowed to soak overnight. Yum!

I've got to stop now, my blood sugar's going up just typing about it!

[OBIO]

I once had a "gig" video taping a Christmas Show (sigining stuff) put on by a small Catholic church. The guy in charge of the church, Father Griffin...I called him Charles, we were cool like that and talked about all sort of things.....brought in a fruit cake that was made by some monks up in Minnesota or someplace cold and dank like that. The fruit cake was the best I had ever eaten...it must have been soaked in a 55 gallon drum of dark rum or something. The morning after the Christmas Show, the choir got together to watch the footage...and I was invited. Charles came out with plates of fruit cake for everyone...and most people passed on it. I ate close to half of that cake...and it was a LARGE fruit cake. I left that little Catholic Church bloated and very happy with the world!

I keep looking for GOOD fruit cake...but have not found one in 15 years of searching. Those little fruit cakes they sell in stores are horrid. I just might have to travel back down to southern Ohio and see if Father Charles is still alive and if he has the address to order one of those fruit cakes.

OBIO

[HouseHobbit]

I once ate some fruit cake, ONCE...

That was enough for me..

Never eat anything you can pack away for 100 years,
and it look the same as the day it was made...

[brad kaste]

Excellent points on the Holiday food snarfing Snuffy,...but like the other chaps have stated,...a good fruit cake is a GOOD FRUIT CAKE. Yum yum. It's like mince meat pie too...it's gotten a historical bum rap. Not sure why. This pie puts most other pies to shame in the taste-satisfaction-contentment category.

Go fruit cake!
Go mince meat pie!

[Tako_Kichi]

This pie puts most other pies to shame in the taste-satisfaction-contentment category.

Now there's a quote I have to agree with too! I love mince pies and can't get enough of them. I started early this year too. My youngest daughter (17) decided she was going to bake the pies for Canadian Thanksgiving this year (back in October) and as I don't particularly like pumpkin pie she did me my own batch of mince pies. Yum! As her Mom doesn't like mincemeat it meant even more for me!

[stiz]

agreed, you just cant beat a good fruitcake with marzipan! .. then once thats over, onto the normal christmas cake that was made for those who dont like fruitcake!

[N2056]

"Bloated and Slow" is my standard goal this time of the year when lining up on approach to the food! :salute:

[deKoven]

Snippage......
I keep looking for GOOD fruit cake...but have not found one in 15 years of searching. Those little fruit cakes they sell in stores are horrid. I just might have to travel back down to southern Ohio and see if Father Charles is still alive and if he has the address to order one of those fruit cakes.

OBIO

You want good fruitcake, you have to make it ye'self. I had one of those from the monks one year; was tasty but not as good as making it fresh. Seems the farther away from the "source" you get the more stale and not good it gets.

There's no secret to good fruitcake either; use only the best ingredients, never skimp. Don't, whatever ya do, buy those little packages of fruits to make it with. Get currants (and bottle of Creme de Cassis), candied cherries (bottle of Kirsch), citron (bottle of orange liquor), raisins (bottle of Sherry), possibly dates but I don't use them. Pecans or walnuts. Two bottles Sherry, two bottles brandy. Soak each ingredient in it's relevant spirit, for about 12 hrs (more is better, usually) then make the cake batter. Drain the booze off each ingredient. Bake the stuff and after taking out of the oven, wait one hr and pour on each cake about 2 jiggers of brandy and one of sherry. Make sure it's cool and wrap in cheesecloth, then foil. Put in your closet and for the first month take out and pour one jigger of brandy or sherry (alternate them) over each cake. Then once a month after that do the same. Now, you keep on doing it until the holiday rolls around again. Make another batch and get out the last batch; this older batch is the one you serve through the holidays. Keep the thing going or you won't have any for the next year.

:ernae: some eggnog or rum toddy and have a merry holiday season.

[jmig]

Excellent tips. Except for the fruitcake. I like fruitcake! :ernae:

I like fruitcake too. "Moist" fruitcake. When I was a kid, my mom to save money, would buy day old bread. Well, I think the fruitcake she bought from A&P was the previous year's batch on sale. It was so dry. I never liked the stuff until I tasted some moist fruitcake at a friend's house.

[stiz]

you know if its dry you can always soak it for a bit!

[n4gix]

Now there's a quote I have to agree with too! I love mince pies and can't get enough of them.

Mincemeat pies with "hardsauce!" That's the way to eat 'em! When I was a kid, I always begged to be allowed to fix the hardsauce, 'cause I got to lick the bowl and mixer blades! Yum!

Ingredients

1/3 cup soft butter or margarine

1 teaspoon vanilla (or substitute rum)
1 cup unsifted confection sugar

Preparation

1. In small bowl of electric mixer, at high speed, cream butter until light.
2. Add vanilla and sugar; beat until fluffy and smooth

Sherry Hard Sauce; Prepare sauce as above omiting vanilla and substituting 1 teaspoon sherry

Orange Hard Sauce: Prepare sauce as above, with these exceptions; omit vanilla. Add 1 tablespoon grated orange peel, 2 teaspoons orange juice, and 1/2 teaspoon orange extract

To Store Hard Sauces; Put them in pretty jars with tight fitting lids. Keep refrigerated

Read More http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/me...#ixzz18UHJNbF9