Should I be feeling guilty?

***OBIO*** · March 7th, 2010, 20:59

The other day, my brother-iin-law called me and asked me if I could work on his computers. 4 of them. The two newer computers he wanted upgraded from Vista to Win7 and the two older XP systems he wanted reformatted, reinstalled, cleaned up and made secure for the grand kids to use. No problem. We went out and bought two Win 7 Full install sets and a new DVD drive for his system...the DVD drive had stopped working after one of the grand kids was on his system..the one he uses for his plumbing business....playing games....system said the drivers were missing or corrupt...the DVD drive is now running again after formatting the HD and installing Win7, so he can take the new one back and get the $50 back.

Anyhow....to make this story a bit shorter and a bit less boring for you all to read....

He wants to pay me $100 each for upgrading the newer systems to Win7 and getting them all secured and $50 each for doing the format, reinstall and securing of the older XP systems. Total of $300.

I told him that I was not comfortable taking that much money for sitting on my butt and watching the computers do most of the work. Sure, I am the one giving the commands, finding the updates, installing the software, tweaking the anti-virus and firewalls and getting all the systems networked to share the printers...but, most of the time, I am just sitting there in an over stuffed high back leather office chair watching progress bars move across the screens.

He is adamant about paying me the $300. He showed me two bills from Geek Squad from a couple years ago when the XP systems were the main systems. He paid nearly $425 dollars to have a Geek Squad tech come to his house and optimize the two systems. Then there was a bill for $130 for a tech to remove a virus and install an external HD on one of the systems. He pointed out the $425 bill and said "That was for 2 computers. You are doing 4 computers, and all the security, and all the updates, and all the networking...You are taking the $300."

While I know that if he were to call in Geek Squad to do all this work on the 4 systems....it would be close to 800 to 1000 dollars.....so I am saving him a huge chuck of money...but I still feel guilty taking that much money from a family member. Should I be feeling guilty?

OBIO

**djscoo** · March 7th, 2010, 21:17

[LINESTRIKE]Just think of it as a birthday gift[/LINESTRIKE]...

edit: I think Willy has a point...

***Chacha*** · March 7th, 2010, 21:18

...He is blessing you with that money....

And you have to accept that ... end of story

...You have to NEVER say NO to a blessing.....

... You did a great job making his 4 computers work....

...

... EDIT:

... If he contacted someone else, he pays for labor, maybe 5 times more....

... He has the money, he gives you a present....

... ... and I know that is coming from his heart.... accept the gift!

***Willy*** · March 7th, 2010, 21:24

To be honest, I'd not want to take the money either. When it's family, you do what can because you can. Tell him that he might get a chance to do something for you sometime to make up for it.

Hals und Bein Bruch · March 7th, 2010, 21:30

YOU are the Man.. take NO money and have great parking Karma from here on out...deal?

**Dain Arns** · March 7th, 2010, 21:36

Originally Posted by Chacha

...He is blessing you with that money....

And you have to accept that ... end of story

...You have to NEVER say NO to a blessing.....

... You did a great job making his 4 computers work....

...

Exactly. He's blessing you. You blessed him by doing the work.
I know where you're coming from though, OBIO.
I had the same type of mid-western parents and upbringing.

Taken me 40+ years to accept that blessings are such, and it's okay to accept them.

**boxcar** · March 7th, 2010, 21:38

.
Tough one, man, especially considering family & his insistence. There are ways around it if he remains persistent... like taking them all out to a nice dinner or movie or both if he stays unrelenting. Something like that,if he won't accept no for an answer, is my thought. Ultimately: follow your heart. You are saving him buck$ as well as likely doing him a better job than he would receive otherwise. Again, follow your heart is my suggestion.
.

***Cees Donker*** · March 7th, 2010, 22:06

Just take the money. If you don't, your brother-in-law will feel bad (I would) and will hesitate to ask you again in the future. He's helping you without the idea that he's doing charity. That's good.

Just my two cents...

Cees

**viking3** · March 7th, 2010, 22:16

Maybe say take the money with the caveat that you can take them out to a nice meal or something similar or give some of the money to a charity in their name if you do not need the cash.

Regards, Rob:ernae:

***TARPSBird*** · March 7th, 2010, 22:24

Take the money. It's a good deal for him compared to what he would pay GeekSquad or some other tech, and it's a nice windfall for you.

**Lionheart** · March 7th, 2010, 22:53

If you told him no, and he kept insisting ademently, then I think you should.

I have been in this position before where I needed help done and certain people could do it and it was far cheaper for them to do it then a professional shop, so I forced them to take the funds. But my brother inlaw years ago wouldnt accept my money and I quit taking my car to him out of guilt. I wanted to help him out as he was helping me, and he wouldnt let me.

On the other hand, I usually dont charge people myself, but I have begun to learn that sometimes things happen for a reason.

In the Bible, I believe there is a scriptural statement that says you should also be able to accept a gift, as well as give. People are out there trying to help others and sometimes people just will not accept the help.

Bill

**Quixoticish** · March 8th, 2010, 00:39

The fact that I don't subscribe to the "blood is thicker than water" theory notwithstanding I think you should take the money. It will help him feel better about the fact that you've taken the time to help him with this, and if you feel that bad about keeping it then donate it to a charity of your choice.

**txnetcop** · March 8th, 2010, 01:29

I think you are right to tell him you don't feel comfortable taking the money because he is family. However, if he insists then take it because he will feel better afterward. I do that stuff for a living when not testing hardware and software. Your time is worth something whether a gift or for money. He knows how much he is saving. I wish I could command those kinds of prices here in Dallas that Geek Squad is charging him, and I know that I know more about computers than some Geek Squad meathead! I clean up their so called work all the time. Willy is right about doing for family. I do the same for close friends-NO CHARGE! Often they will insist or give me a gift I did not expect. YOU DA MAN!
Ted
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**kilo delta** · March 8th, 2010, 01:53

I agree...I wouldn't accept the money neither. Only last week I had to do re-installs/upgrades on my sister's notebook and BIL's PC....no charge.

***hey_moe*** · March 8th, 2010, 03:08

You don't know how much I understand what you are talking about. Being since I am in the HVAC repairs this happens all the time to me. I usually do it for free and matter of fact for the neighbors and friends too. If they offer a little bit and insist on taking the money I have no problem doing it. Look at it this way....whats the difference in you taking a little bit and a stranger taking more. At least it's still in the family. How would you feel here >> My father in law gas pack system went out and three of the four parts were NLA. He got a few estimates and the cheapest was eight grand.Now he is a millionaire and is so tight with his money he squeaks when he walks. I got the same unit wholesale for seventeen hundred and Pat and I spent two days installing it. Twelve hours each day. He gave each one of us ten bucks a piece. I would have rather him say thank you instead of slapping me in the face with ten bucks. Pat just looked at me and I just rolled my eyes. I gave Pat five hundred bucks out of my own pocket. He refused it but I said I know his account number and all I am going to do is deposit it in his personal account so he might as well take it.Now this was a four ton gas pack that I spent my time and money picking up and delivering it. He did pay for the gas pack and also wanted to see the ticket, like he didn't trust me...lol. How would you like to save someone six grand, and then it cost you five hundred after everything was said and done. Now when he ask and begs me I just tell him I don't do that any more on the side and he might be better off to hire it out.He also pulled something like this at one of his rental houses...I should have known better anyway.The whole time Pat and I was there he never offered us a glass of water or a sandwich. I don't mine doing something minor for free but to do a major job it kinda of bothers me.I never said anything to him about how I felt but I also won't lift a finger to help him either. Now I replaced my sister both furnaces and AC units, and Pat,Wayne and I also installed a complete system in their garage including all permits, duck work ect..ect. Debbie got some estimates and the cheapest was twenty eight grand for all three systems and instillations. Debbie paid each of the guys five hundred a piece, paid for their plane ticket to Florida,hotel and the week cruise. Pat and Wayne fussed about it but Debbie said she save twenty one grand and it was worth every penny Yeah she spent six grand on Pat and Wayne but still saved after that fifteen grand. Do ya see the difference in someone who appreciates hard work and someone who abuses it...Mike

**Snuffy** · March 8th, 2010, 03:14

If your BIL has the money to spare then there is no problem. But if you're taking food off the table then thats a problem.

From my understanding of your situation, you're in no position to turn it down. Not to make you feel bad but truth is every little bit helps.

Seriously, call the Geek Squad and find out how much they would charge for the same services. If you save him a bundle then the pittance he's offering you is a good deal all around.

If he can afford it as I said, and you're not taking food off his table, Take it and be happy.

**Trans_23** · March 8th, 2010, 06:40

Originally Posted by Snuffy

If your BIL has the money to spare then there is no problem. But if you're taking food off the table then thats a problem.

From my understanding of your situation, you're in no position to turn it down. Not to make you feel bad but truth is every little bit helps.

Seriously, call the Geek Squad and find out how much they would charge for the same services. If you save him a bundle then the pittance he's offering you is a good deal all around.

If he can afford it as I said, and you're not taking food off his table, Take it and be happy.

What he said. I also like the barter system. I have had my house painted and hardwood floors installed for next to nothing for electrical work in return. If there is some plumbing work that you need done you could trade the $300 for that.

**brad kaste** · March 8th, 2010, 07:12

OBIO,....I don't think your brother-in-law will be feel comfortable unless you accept 'something' for your work and effort. And you don't seem too comfortable about taking the money. Maybe a little compromise?
Have him take you and your wife out to a decent restaurant for an evening? Plus a few cocktails. Might work.

crashalot2 · March 8th, 2010, 07:47

Originally Posted by brad kaste

OBIO,....I don't think your brother-in-law will be feel comfortable unless you accept 'something' for your work and effort. And you don't seem too comfortable about taking the money. Maybe a little compromise?
Have him take you and your wife out to a decent restaurant for an evening? Plus a few cocktails. Might work.

This sounds like the best idea or you could just bust a pipe .

**HouseHobbit** · March 8th, 2010, 07:55

Much of my Life I have repaired just about everything, or worked on all kinds of things for my famiily and Friends.
I never took a dime. I let then Know I had a Great job, and had all the money I needed..
Always they would try to repay me somehow..

I always concidered any Skills I may have had, as gifts from God. Meant to be shared..

Now I am Unemployed, and struggling at times, Now it does upset me and trouble me when Someone I love Pays me for working for them.

But I always have to take it. And for me I am STILL troubled by it..
I must be grateful for the Work, And Realize that it is a Blessing..

But I do understand the problem of accepting Payment from a family member..
I gress as for all of us, you Must let your Heart and Head Both Led..
Some times, they will never agree, It is one of those things you alone must work out.

And when you get it worked out, let me Know how also to do this..LOL..