Coronavirus Guidelines
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  1. #1

    Coronavirus Guidelines

    Let me clarify things for you.
    Here are the official Corona virus guidelines:

    1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.

    2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.

    3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.

    4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.

    5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.

    6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.

    7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.

    8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.

    9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.

    10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

    11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my..

    12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but no…

    13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).

    14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.

    15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.

    16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?

    17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…"

    18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.

    19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.

    20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.

    21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.

    22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.

    23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of…

    24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).

    25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?

    **Copied & Pasted**
    Milton Shupe
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  2. #2
    SOH-CM-2024 MrZippy's Avatar
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    Great! You should run for president!
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  3. #3
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    That's a classic

    Pete.

  4. #4
    Senior Administrator huub vink's Avatar
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    I'm glad to see the US follows the same clear and strict rules as we do in the Netherlands..............

    Cheers,
    Huub

  5. #5
    Sorry, but here in Italy we applied these rules first...
    alx

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  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by MrZippy View Post
    Great! You should run for president!
    Absolutely! I concur --

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  8. #8
    Senior Administrator huub vink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alx View Post
    Sorry, but here in Italy we applied these rules first...

    Sorry Alessandro, but I think these rules were made in China like currently most things in the world.....

  9. #9
    Yes, that is pretty much it.

    I will add that the order to wear a mask when going out evidently does not mean that a mask alone is adequate. I have been informed that I also need to wear pants.

    Oh, I am shamelessly stealing these guidelines.
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  10. #10
    Excellent & timely post, Milton. Thanks for that.

    It seems to me while C-19 follows the logic of the scriptures as written by the profit, "Darwin".....human social order tends to take it's direction from some sundry sermons as witnessed by Monty Python's Flying Circus.

    Well....they used to make a joke about the term,"bat sh@t crazy..." ....I wonder who's laughing now. ( But only up their sleeve.....you know...social distancing and all that...)


  11. #11
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    Milton has the gift of clearly and succinctly explaining such a complex thing in so simple a way. Plus, he speaks "bureaucratese," which is no small accomplishment. That's the best run-down on the rules I've seen since this who mess got started. Going to save this one.

    BTW one of the stockboys at a nearby supermarket told me the store couldn't even give away Corona beer until the very recent past - last week or so. Pointed to a neat stack of cases on the floor, about five feet tall, said no one had touched the stack for at least three weeks. We have a number of folks living in the area, quite a few with college degrees, who were scared by the name of that beer. Senseless.

  12. #12
    24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
    The only difference between medicine and poison is titration...
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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by SSI01 View Post
    BTW one of the stockboys at a nearby supermarket told me the store couldn't even give away Corona beer.
    Of course not. It's not even worthy of the name beer!

    Priller

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Priller View Post
    Of course not. It's not even worthy of the name beer!

    Priller
    Damn right!
    "Illegitimum non carborundum".

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  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Priller View Post
    Of course not. It's not even worthy of the name beer!

    Priller
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  17. #17
    I forgot to add that you should make sure to follow these guidelines closely, but only you can be the judge of what you can do and when!

    LouP

  18. #18
    Thanks for the laugh Milton. In the words of davie504 "EPICO! OH EM GEE!"

  19. #19
    Just some light humor I've collected over the past week or so...

    Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!


    Just asked a 6 year old if he understands why there is no school. He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

    On the bright side, I am no longer calling this shelter-in-place. I am an artist-in-residence.

    After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my home but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

    Where is your next travel destination?
    - Las Kitchenas
    - Los Lounges
    - Santa Bedroomes
    - Porto Gardenas
    - Los Bed
    - Costa del Patios
    - St. Bathroom
    - La Rotonda de Sofa

    You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life.

    If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

    2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.

    Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

    This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

    Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

    Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???

    My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

    Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

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    Charter Member 2022 srgalahad's Avatar
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    With this isolation I've made progress.

    I finished 3 books today.

    - that's a lot of coloring!

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  22. #22
    I melted my CC!
    Social isolating leads to time on one's hands and free delivery for online purchases leads to a bright idea that is going to get me injured when 'Madame Wombat MD' returns from volunteering..........my bad!

    "Illegitimum non carborundum".

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  23. #23
    Nice, VERY NICE!!
    Matt

  24. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by n4gix
    This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
    There is a spit take for sure... LOL
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  25. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by wombat666 View Post
    I melted my CC!
    Social isolating leads to time on one's hands and free delivery for online purchases leads to a bright idea that is going to get me injured when 'Madame Wombat MD' returns from volunteering..........my bad!

    Truth be known shipping is not free. Its just buried in the selling price.
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