Presidential knife fight...who would win?

[Rami]

Hey guys,

This article was making the rounds at my school today, and I found it uproariously funny. Given the nature of us simmers, I thought you'd all get a real kick out of it.

http://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/

I just have one humble request, if I may: This thread is meant to be in good fun. I would ask that the discussion and opinions which are made here remain apolitical and on-target, and that we keep current politics and issues out of the discussion, please!

I gotta admit...the prospect of a knife-wielding FDR with a motorized, 11.5MPH wheelchair makes me laugh every time I think about it! :icon_lol:

For our international contingent, you can use a leader / Prime Minister to contribute if you have any ideas...(Winston Churchill comes to mind, he strikes me as a British version of Teddy Roosevelt)

[Jagdflieger]

That was a hoot to read.

Imagination at it's best and an unusual topic to be sure.

I recon old Teddy would be the Man in this match up. There's a reason why he holds the Medal of Honor.

[cheezyflier]

That was a hoot to read.

Imagination at it's best and an unusual topic to be sure.

I recon old Teddy would be the Man in this match up. There's a reason why he holds the Medal of Honor.

i say you're right. if you look up all the cool stuff he did, his ass-kickery is the stuff of legend.

[Rami]

Jagd,

As I said, I thought you'd like that. For me, I like Jimmy Carter and all, but the author is dead on about him, and it made me break up with laughter. He'd probably use the knife to spread peanut butter.

I agree with Teddy, but I still think Andrew Jackson would give him a run for his money...provided he didn't make too many enemies along the way.

[SSI01]

Priceless!! An interesting character study and history lesson combined. Good for a giggle.:jump:

[Dain Arns]

Duh. No brainer, Teddy FTW! :salute:

But seriously, if there is any doubt...
His "Walk softly and carry a big stick" quote should be a clue. :icon_lol:

Had his boat stolen when he moved out West.
Pursued the guys, on foot for two weeks through the Dakota Badlands, caught and beat the tar out of them, handed them over to the authorities, and got his boat back.

As Commissioner of the NYPD, he was known to 'walk the beat', looking for Police Officers not doing their duty or taking bribes, beat the tar out of them, then fired them on the spot.

As Assistant Secretary of the Navy, when the USS Maine was sunk off of Cuba, he ordered Admiral Dewey to the Philippines to take out the Spanish Navy.
Roosevelt then declared a state of War with Spain, despite the fact the he had absolutely no authority to do so.
(Acting on Roosevelt's orders, Dewey then sunk the entire Spanish fleet at Manila in about four hours.)

Immediately after declaring war on Spain, TR resigned as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, and formed his own volunteer cavalry regiment, of course the "Rough Riders".
Had the now famous "Charge up San Juan Hill" which got him the Congressional Medal of Honor and a promotion to Colonel.
As President he later resolved the Russian-Japanese War and earned the Nobel Peace Prize.
(Only person ever to get the Medal of Honor and Nobel Peace Prize.)

As President TR settled strikes, broke up powerful trusts, built the Panama Canal, desegregated Japanese schoolchildren in California, fought to preserve the independence of South American countries from Europe and worked to conserve the American outdoors by commissioning numerous National Monuments and Parks.
Oh, and he was known to carry a gun while he was President.

For no particular reason, TR and a few companions rode 98 miles on horseback in one day, from the White House into northern Virginia and back, through terrible winter weather.
A newspaper wrote: "The President rode horseback ninety-eight miles in one day, and was able to sit down comfortably for a late dinner. What's the use of Congress trying to spank a man like that?"
Foreign ambassadors dreaded meeting him, as it usually meant that they would have to accompany him on his strenuous daily jog, with him making fun of them when they inevitably ran short of breath and started lagging behind.

And while on tour of Yellowstone National Park as President, despite the regulation of no hunting, leaped out of a moving carriage onto a field mouse, killed same with bare hands, skinned it, and kept the mouse pelt on his desk.
He really wanted to hunt something.
No one really wanted to tell him, "No".

While giving a speech in Milwaukee as President during a re-election campaign, was shot in the chest by a psychotic man.
Reached in his coat, noted blood, continued on with speech for around 90 minutes, later got a Tetanus shot, and never had bullet removed.
(One of the only times he didn't have a gun on him.)

Explored Africa and the Amazon for years after his Presidency, later discovered a new river in the Amazon and it was named 'Rio Theodoro'.

"Death had to taking him sleeping, because if Roosevelt had been awake, there would have been a fight" - Vice-President Thomas Marshall

72450



Favorite websites about TR:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/roosevelt.html
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheodoreRoosevelt

[Willy]

My money is on Andy Jackson. As a kid, he resisted the British during the Revolutionary War and got a saber cut across the face for his trouble. He whipped the Creeks during the Battle of Horseshoe Bend, and during the war of 1812, he soundly whipped the British at New Orleans. He also won several duels and was known as Old Hickory for his toughness and aggressive personality.

It would have been a fight, but I think he'd have taken Teddy.

[Rami]

My money is on Andy Jackson. As a kid, he resisted the British during the Revolutionary War and got a saber cut across the face for his trouble. He whipped the Creeks during the Battle of Horseshoe Bend, and during the war of 1812, he soundly whipped the British at New Orleans. He also won several duels and was known as Old Hickory for his toughness and aggressive personality.

I think he'd have taken Teddy.

Willy,

One on one, yes. My one retort on your assertion though is that Andy Jackson had a talent for pissing people off, and I could easily foresee a scenario when several remaining fighting presidents could gang up and take him before he could take down Teddy.

[Rami]

Immediately after declaring war on Spain, TR resigned as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, and formed his own volunteer cavalry regiment, of course the "Rough Riders".
Had the now famous "Charge up San Juan Hill" which got him the Congressional Medal of Honor and a promotion to Colonel.
As President he later resolved the Russian-Japanese War and earned the Nobel Peace Prize.
(Only person ever to get the Medal of Honor and Nobel Peace Prize.)

Dain Arns,

I agree with 99% of your post. My one point of contention is that it appears more likely now that African-American units made the charge up San Juan, and that the Roosevelt unit was given historical credit because they were, well...white. I'm not discounting they had a role, but the historical viewpoint has shifted somewhat in that regard.

But otherwise, Teddy is also my favorite president. My favorite factoid about him was his penchant for working 18-20 hour days, and that he drank a gallon of coffee a day. Simply put, the dude was wired. :mixedsmi:

[Willy]

Willy,

One on one, yes. My one retort on your assertion though is that Andy Jackson had a talent for pissing people off, and I could easily foresee a scenario when several remaining fighting presidents could gang up and take him before he could take down Teddy.

If you keep your head and make your opponent mad, he'll usually do something stupid you can take advantage of.

[Dain Arns]

Dain Arns,

I agree with 99% of your post. My one point of contention is that it appears more likely now that African-American units made the charge up San Juan, and that the Roosevelt unit was given historical credit because they were, well...white. I'm not discounting they had a role, but the historical viewpoint has shifted somewhat in that regard.

But otherwise, Teddy is also my favorite president. My favorite factoid about him was his penchant for working 18-20 hour days, and that he drank a gallon of coffee a day. Simply put, the dude was wired. :mixedsmi:

Sounds like someone is attempting to askew history.
Sorry but whatever information that was is flawed.

There isn't any point of contention.
The "The Rough Riders" were from all races, creeds, and colors. Documented.
TR's unit for example, was made up mostly of Native Americans, Cowboys, and Ranchers.
He got men from the Southwestern Territories of the US, because he knew Cuba was hot, and they had worked long hours on horseback in hot weather.
Remember that a significant number of Cowboys of that era, and that area, were in fact African-Americans that had been former slaves, and Native Americans.

Also, TR wasn't into the 'White Man' thing.
His dinner with Booker T. Washington at the White House was extremely controversial at the time, it was the first time an African-American had been invited to dine with a President at the White House.
TR didn't care.
In his book, men were judged on their merits, abilities, and actions, not the color of their skin.
See the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/guest-of-honor-booker-t-washington-theodore-roosevelt-and-the-white-house-dinner-that-shocked-a-nation-by-deborah-davis/2012/08/17/f27db832-db09-11e1-bd1f-8f2b57de6d94_story.html

[fxsttcb]

I really enjoyed it! :applause: What a scenario. Thanks for the link!

I really didn't know much about many of the Presidents' combat experience, other than the famous military hype that surrounded some of them.

One I did know about, who had extensive hand to hand combat experience, gained from studying Native American guerrilla tactics, and putting that knowledge to use against them, was Ol' "Rough and Ready" Zachary Taylor.

Too bad he was 65 when inaugurated. He would have been a force to be reckoned with.

Teddy, at only 42 when he took office, would have still been young enough, along with his well known stamina, to kick ass and take names.

Andy Jackson(my favorite) at 61(11 days short of 62) when inaugurated, would have given up 19 years to TR.

Could AJ's flat out meanness overcome that? Or would the rest of them gang up and take those two out early?

Anyhoooo, TR got my vote...Don

[Rami]

Sounds like someone is attempting to askew history.
Sorry but whatever information that was is flawed.

There isn't any point of contention.
The "The Rough Riders" were from all races, creeds, and colors. Documented.
TR's unit for example, was made up mostly of Native Americans, Cowboys, and Ranchers.
He got men from the Southwestern Territories of the US, because he knew Cuba was hot, and they had worked long hours on horseback in hot weather.
Remember that a significant number of Cowboys of that era, and that area, were in fact African-Americans that had been former slaves, and Native Americans.

Also, TR wasn't into the 'White Man' thing.
His dinner with Booker T. Washington at the White House was extremely controversial at the time, it was the first time an African-American had been invited to dine with a President at the White House.
TR didn't care.
In his book, men were judged on their merits, abilities, and actions, not the color of their skin.
See the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/guest-of-honor-booker-t-washington-theodore-roosevelt-and-the-white-house-dinner-that-shocked-a-nation-by-deborah-davis/2012/08/17/f27db832-db09-11e1-bd1f-8f2b57de6d94_story.html

Dain Arns,

You're right, I should have clarified my point further. Teddy Roosevelt was emphatically not a racist, and the dinner with Booker T. Washington illustrates that point. Regarding the African-Americans at San Juan, it was most likely the photographers who were more interested in giving the credit to the Rough Riders themselves, rather than the all-African-American units.

With the war being waged largely on the backs of Yellow Journalism, ("You furnish the pictures, and I will furnish the war") it may not have made the best photo opportunity during this time period to celebrate the accomplishments of a non-white unit, and that is why the Rough Riders became the "face" of the War in Cuba. This is still a period of belief in white superiority, and this attitude was evident in the protectorate or pseudo-protectorate status that Cuba and Puerto Rico had in the aftermath of the Spanish-American War.

Thank you for bringing this mistake to my attention. :ernae:

[Dain Arns]

Dain Arns,You're right, I should have clarified my point further. Teddy Roosevelt was emphatically not a racist, and the dinner with Booker T. Washington illustrates that point. Regarding the African-Americans at San Juan, it was most likely the photographers who were more interested in giving the credit to the Rough Riders themselves, rather than the all-African-American units.

With the war being waged largely on the backs of Yellow Journalism, ("You furnish the pictures, and I will furnish the war") it may not have made the best photo opportunity during this time period to celebrate the accomplishments of a non-white unit, and that is why the Rough Riders became the "face" of the War in Cuba. This is still a period of belief in white superiority, and this attitude was evident in the protectorate or pseudo-protectorate status that Cuba and Puerto Rico had in the aftermath of the Spanish-American War.Thank you for bringing this mistake to my attention. :ernae:Well, that happens when I post before I jump in bed after working all night. I miss the subtleties. I see what you mean, now.

I forget often that was the period of the 'great' newspaper battles between Pulitzer and Hearst.Probably something of a subconscious nature for my general disdain for the press as a whole. Selling the 'News' was more important than reporting it in those days, it was all about the circulation. Something the current news media strives so very hard to emulate these days.

IMHO, of course. :icon_lol:

[Rami]

Dain Arns,

Sensationalism? In today's level-headed media? Bloody rubbish! :icon_lol:

[brad kaste]

Yeah,.....TR and Ol' Hickory would be in the top five. No doubt about it. But if I had to bet a jug of moonshine whiskey on the outcome,...I'd go with the Illinois Rail-Splitter. Yep,...Ol' Abe himself. Even though he showed great composure throughout most of his life,.....he knew how to get into a good wrasslin' match in his youngin' years,....and come out ahead. He was lean and could be mean,.....when necessary. But knowin' Ol' Abe like we do,...I'm sure he'd quickly disarm his opponent and display his magnanimous mercy towards him and shake hands afterwards.

[rayrey10]

Rami,
Thanks for sharing. That was a great "article".