Lasting impressions

[OleBoy]

I've been coming here now for quite some time. When I was a newcomer, and for a long period of time, I hid in the shadows, not knowing if I wanted to join the community because of who I am. I don't know how I'm perceived, even though I do my best to give to the community whenever I can. I've learned a lot from fellow members here. Those kind enough to share their knowledge, and their skills, have helped me move forward to better what I do here best. I know that many here see me as being a bad person. Trust me, I try not to be that way intentionally. Now days, it's just second nature. My demeanor has soured over the years. Since 2003 I have been fighting depression. 2003 was the worst year for me, when I lost the last person I loved that was immediate (blood) family. Prior to that, my grandfather, grandmother, and my dad. Since my dad passed away I was married, bought several houses, had two beautiful kids, and continued on in life as families do.

Lately, in the past couple years, my depression has gotten worse, and harder to cope with. This time of year (from Thanksgiving on) is the hardest time for me to grasp. When New Years Eve comes, I think, whew, I made it.

I find myself getting through the days being a consumer. Someone in another topic brought that to my attention. Sadly, I am.

SOH is the only place I come to that's flight simulator related where I hang out. At least here I can find other things to draw my attention away from reality out there. Most of the time my paint brushes keep me busy. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful my paint brushes keep me busy, because nothing else I tried to get involved in flightsim related, never worked out. My callings for help had to do with past inquiries to get involved with developers, and/or other enthusiasts to create scenery. Or anything for that matter. Nothing seemed to work out.

I don't know if anything I said made any sense. If I can make it any easier for you to understand with a word, that word is, depression.

Hopefully now some of you that I have offended, irritated, ticked off, or whatever it may have been that caused me to voice my opinion offensively towards you, I hope you can some what understand my situation.

Back to my paint cans.

No need to respond or PM :salute:

[stovall]

OleBoy, there are many of us here that are good at listening. It is not easy to open up to someone as you have done in your post. This forum has many members that consider this place family. Thanks for posting your feelings and I for one look forward to your next paint creation. Keep your chin up.

[IFlySWA]

You might want to consider NAMI. http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=Depression This organization was a huge help to me and my then-wife when she was diagnosed bi-polar.

Brian

[stiz]

been haveing a "fun" time with the depression guy meself the past years, this place has become a home from home, might have your hard times with people but they'll still welcome you back (specialy the old hands :wavey:)

[narah]

OleBoy, what you said makes sense, and i understand your situation. It´s a remarkable step to bring it up in this forum, that´s why i thought i need to drop a note and let you know. best regards

[Roger]

Thank you and take care:ernae:

[Barnes]

Hi Oleboy

You have always come accross very posistive in all our communications and I thank you for all your superb, depression motivated repaints! Im really also 50 and know where your coming from in many ways. Please keep those repaints coming. :wavey:

[fleurdelys]

OleBoy, there are many of us here that are good at listening. It is not easy to open up to someone as you have done in your post. This forum has many members that consider this place family. Thanks for posting your feelings and I for one look forward to your next paint creation. Keep your chin up.

Oleboy, Tom said it as I would have.

I wanted to add that the first thing that I do when I get up in the morning is come to the forum and look, listen and appreciate the people that make this place so special. And the last thing that I do before closing up and going to bed is come back for more...
I'm glad that you are also a part of this forum and have come to appreciate your talents as a painter and also the person that you seem to have become...
(Look at your earlier postings and the last ones... :applause:)

Now, if one of my brothers or sisters in this forum would please tell me what was so special about the picks that I posted in the screenshot thread, that would really make my day... :jump:

Hint : Look at the pilot's head...

Cheers,

Fleurdelys

[italoc]

Hi Oleboy,
sorry for your depression, but hope you'll get over it (thanks also to your skill which everyone in SOH appreciate very much)

Now, let's go back to "serious business":wavey: what next on your textures desk ??
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Italo

[Navy Chief]

I can certainly identify with depression, having dealt with it myself for many years. I wish you the best, shipmate.

Pete

[Bone]

Alot of people fall back on the infamous "chemical imbalance" as the root cause of their depression. For some, that may well be it, but I think depression happens because alot of things are going wrong concurrently. Everyone has death in their life to contend with, everyone has romantic/significant other/spouse misfires, everyone has workplace issues, everyone has friends that are somewhat toxic, everyone has things in their life that NEED to be changed. The difference between depressed people and not depressed people lay in how these issues are dealt with. Does your life control you, or do you control it?

Slay the demons, man, and to do that you need to start setting some goals in life. You'd be surprised at how much bullsh!t gets moved aside when you're concentrating on doing something important, and overcoming depression is important so it doesn't really matter what the actual goal is. Just do it and stay focused. Exercise is a good place to start, but go easy if you haven't worked out in a long time. Do some push-ups, sit-up's, and a short run around the block...get the endorphines flowing, because that's the best drug out there. Physical well being is very important to mental well being.

Make a plan to do something with your life, so when you get to age 70-80 and look back you can say "DAMN, I had a cool life", instead of "DAMN, that sucked."

Get better, Oleboy. You can do it.

Steve.

[big-mike]

Hi Oleboy,
my respect for posting your feelings.
I feel with you,have to take myself drugs for years to fight the upcoming depressions related to my disability.
My way for having a bit of fun these days is coming here to this place---called my home.
Here i find my little world,everything about my only hobby--simming.
And here i can forget for a while all my personal desaster---and in the virtual skies.
Take care.
Michael

[Bjoern]

Slay the demons, man, and to do that you need to start setting some goals in life. You'd be surprised at how much bullsh!t gets moved aside when you're concentrating on doing something important, and overcoming depression is important so it doesn't really matter what the actual goal is. Just do it and stay focused. Exercise is a good place to start, but go easy if you haven't worked out in a long time. Do some push-ups, sit-up's, and a short run around the block...get the endorphines flowing, because that's the best drug out there. Physical well being is very important to mental well being.

+1/Like

[mikew]

Ole Boy,

I too appreciate what you have written and commend you for it. I have been a lurker here for a long time. I've been a charter member as well but have always felt a bit "out gunned" by all of the aviation knowledge presented here at SOH (that includes you!). Since reading your post, I've decided to screw up my courage; so to speak; and start being a more active participant in these forums (SOH is the best!). I have appreciated your input in these forums and have always found your insights helpful and encouraging (as well as enjoying your paint work!).

As to the depression... I have a close friend that is currently dealing with depression. My prayers are with you. Depression is one of those things that impacts many of us either directly or indirectly.

I trust 2012 will be a good year for you and look forward to further interaction with you here at SOH.

Mike

[P38man]

Ole Boy, Pete and Big-mike.......have you tried reading the Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle ?

It was life changing for me and some others I know.

No exaggeration in that statement at all.

Hope it helps.

[guzler]

Alot of people fall back on the infamous "chemical imbalance" as the root cause of their depression. For some, that may well be it, but I think depression happens because alot of things are going wrong concurrently. Everyone has death in their life to contend with, everyone has romantic/significant other/spouse misfires, everyone has workplace issues, everyone has friends that are somewhat toxic, everyone has things in their life that NEED to be changed. The difference between depressed people and not depressed people lay in how these issues are dealt with. Does your life control you, or do you control it?

Slay the demons, man, and to do that you need to start setting some goals in life. You'd be surprised at how much bullsh!t gets moved aside when you're concentrating on doing something important, and overcoming depression is important so it doesn't really matter what the actual goal is. Just do it and stay focused. Exercise is a good place to start, but go easy if you haven't worked out in a long time. Do some push-ups, sit-up's, and a short run around the block...get the endorphines flowing, because that's the best drug out there. Physical well being is very important to mental well being.

Make a plan to do something with your life, so when you get to age 70-80 and look back you can say "DAMN, I had a cool life", instead of "DAMN, that sucked."

Get better, Oleboy. You can do it.

Steve.

Well said, if you see depression as a cause, it's beaten you already because you see yourself as an effect. If you see the depression as an effect, then you are the cause and by that, I mean you have control. I used exercise to get me through a pretty tough time a few years ago, setting personal challenges and having the discipline to see them through made me feel good about myself at a time when it was needed. I now look back and see that period as a sense of achievement rather than a time when life beat me.

Oleboy, I have no negative opinions of you what so ever, as I'm sure most others don't, so that little voice inside your head isn't doing you any good believing so.
Tonight, before you go to sleep, tell yourself all the good things about yourself (I'm sure your kids can think of lots of things to help you)
Then, set a challenge for tomorrow, even if it's a small one
Tomorrow - complete that challenge
Tomorrow - celebrate your success
Tomorrow, adopt this new habit every day for the next month then reflect on how you are feeling.

Negative self belief is a habit and only you can break it. Believe me, been there. Remember, this is a choice, but quite an important one.