WAY OFF TOPIC but....

[skyhawka4m]

I am reaching out to my freinds for shoulders tonight.

My wife announced to me this morning she wanted a divorce. It has me all tore up inside and out, and my son, Matthew, is beside himself.

I know this is odd to some but......I'm really needing some good words right now.


thanks folks.......and I am sorry for the way off topic


john binford

[Walter]

Dang! I'm sorry man! I know that we have never really interacted, but please take comfort in knowing that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm sorry to hear about that...

Walter

[N2056]

John, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I'm especially sorry to hear that there is a child involved. I wish I had some sort of advice to give, but realistically I don't. Certainly your family will be in thought and prayer during this time.

Hang in there!

[MudMarine]

Sorry to hear that John! I've been there, about two years ago. Healing comes one day at a time. It's not easy hearing the person you trusted tell you that she no longer loves you. I found comfort in my family and faith. I know it probably doesn't help you much right now but I'm the happiest I've been in a long time; you will be again also someday soon! The end of a not so good/bad marriage ending was like lifting ton off my heart! Hang in and know there are people that truely love you for you!!

[fallenphoenix1986]

Sorry dude

My parents went through this when I was 7, it hurt at first but just like MudMarine said it gets better. As long as your both there for your son he'll be fine.

Craig

[Sundog]

I don't have any sagely advice other than for you to hang in there and take it one day at a time. Also, talk to whoever you need to talk to, don't bottle it up. I wish you the best in getting through this trying time.

[Felixthreeone]

Wow. I am truly saddened to hear that, John. I am a firm believer, though, that people like yourself are resilient. And, with the prayers and thoughts of those here in this tight-knit community, you can make it through this extremely difficult time. Hang in there, pal

[Bob.sc]

Sorry to hear of this John. Take care of business and press forward with your life and care for your son.
Always sounds like 'bad news' but you know sometimes...this can be 'Good news' if you know what I mean.
Hang tight,
Bob

[cputters]

Hey John

I know I'm very green on these boards, but as someone who has just gone through this, I can tell you it gets better mate.

Try to keep it civil with the child's interests in mind and it'll all work out.

Chris

[Hughes-MDflyer4]

John,

Very sorry to hear this! You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Best Regards,
Brandon

[roger-wilco-66]

Hi John,

I know how that feels, I've been there too, and it's terrible - but only in the first stadium.
All I can say from my experience is carry on, keep your son in your focus, and you and he will be fine. What Mudmarine mentioned above reflects very much how I feel today about it. The whole thing lifted a ton off my shoulders once I got over the blues.

All the best,
Mark

PS: A song came to my mind that I listen to very often in these days and that was sort of a guidance:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

[Roger]

I've been there John and it hurts like hell, but time and a fresh angle on things does help the healing.
As you wrote it is way off topic but it's good that you think of this forum as your second home...you will be in all our thoughts.

Roger.

[MenendezDiego]

I know it doesn't seem to make sense, but your bond with your son will only grow stronger because of this.

Regards, Diego

[DaveQ]

So sorry to hear your sad news John. For what it's worth, when my first wife and I divorced it was hell for a while but the thing that still holds us together is our three children, as well as a deep abiding love and affection. I remarried but that went t*ts up 4 years ago and I'm back with my first wife. The kids are grown up (the youngest is 31) and we're very happy growing old together. You never really know where these things will end so don't give up on it.

Sincere best wishes

DaveQ

[Ascua02]

Hi John, been there recently (as a matter of fact fighting the last odds and sods).

It hurts like a son of a bit** and seems like life has gone down the drain.

But what all the lads here have said is right, the pain will grow smaller, things will ease and as MudMarine said you will feel like something heavy has been lifted from your shoulders. Not today or next month but one of these days you WILL wake up and find that once again you are proud to see that chap in the mirror in the morning.

A somebody said to me at the time: "In this order, take care of yourself, keep on your feet and hang in there (your son will need YOU), keep it as civil and diplomatic as possible (neither you or your son need anymore hassle) and finally take very much care of the kid."

Nothing more to say, Pal, keep your feet on the floor, the nose in the air and avoid the stall. And if you need something, just shout.


Saludos Hermano


Jose Angel "Ascua02"

[jeansy]

Mate , i hear your pain

it happened to me when i got back from Iraq back in 03

its a ****ty feeling I know and really nothing we can say will help you sleep better at the moment

as much as you disagree right now, sometimes it better off to go seperate ways if one person doesnt want to continue than try and make a short term fix and go through it again down the track or live in doubt

I made that mistake trying to fix it, to only delay it and find out the a few months later she brought it up again, i only delayed the heartache and grief, instead of moving on

best of luck for yourself and son on whatever course of action you take and stick to

You will always have your brethren here to distract you and help pass the time

[txnetcop]

John would you and she consider going to marriage counseling? If not, a lot of what I have seen above me here is true. You're in for a lot of pain but one day at a time the sun gets brighter, days become more tolerable and eventually you find you're alive and well on planet earth and tomorrow is new day. Stay very close to your son. Say nothing negative about his mom just encourage him to get through it with you. YOUR family will be in our prayers
Ted

[wantok]

No need to apologize for being off-topic, John. You did the right thing by turning to your friends and family on this board. No point bottling it up inside; the more you you do, the more it hurts you and your son. Apart from us, please seek advise and counseling from your local clergy, relatives and close friends to prepare for the next chapter in your lives. More importantly, be strong and focused on your son as he will need you more now than ever before.

God Bless!

[MudMarine]

Turn to friends! Don't turn towards anger or booze! Negative isn't the way to deal with it. I spent a lot of time reflecting, figuring out the things I could do diffrently in my life. I came to the conclusion that she wasn't the one who wanted to do the "work" that makes a marriage. Now, 2 years later, I've met someone who is the woman/person of my dreams! Life is a lesson, we have to stop and listen to that lesson sometimes. It isn't always easy but it's always worth the effort!

[IanHenry]

Hi John,
I'm sorry to hear of your sad news, I assume there is no chance of a reconciliation?<o:p></o:p>
Just remember good times always follow bad.
<o:p> </o:p>
Good luck,
Ian.

[Warrant]

Bad things happen, mate. Though rough and painfull, it will not make the world stop spinning, nor will it make oxygen go away. The sun will rise next morning, in total disregard of what happened the morning before. In other words, try to give it a place, take time for yourself and your son to respond to this emotional happening, place it into perspective.

This stuff hurts, and it takes a while but it will get better.

Hope you find some good attraction to pull you off the subject every once in a while in between.

Good luck, mate

[Lateral-G]

I am reaching out to my freinds for shoulders tonight.

My wife announced to me this morning she wanted a divorce. It has me all tore up inside and out, and my son, Matthew, is beside himself.

I know this is odd to some but......I'm really needing some good words right now.


thanks folks.......and I am sorry for the way off topic


john binford

Chin up John. I know it seems like dark times right now but it will get better.

I do feel bad for your son. Kids are always caught in the middle with divorce. They often feel like it's their fault and if they had done something or could do something it would make things all better. You have to sit down and talk to him and make sure he understands it's not his fault and that sometimes people who thought they were in love can grow apart and want to go in different directions. However, just because they don't love one another anymore the love for their children is still there and will always be.

In my case divorce was the best thing that could have happened when my ex sprung it on me. I have since found a wonderful woman and we've been happily married over 5 years now and even have a little girl between us. My two kids from the previous marriage (and her two from her first) all get along great and we have a wonderful and happy home.

You will get thru this. Be strong for your son.

cheers,

Jeff

[Phantom88]

John,Hang in there buddy,Your son comes 1st,You always have friends[a family really] here to talk to.

[CodyValkyrie]

I'm in the middle of a divorce right now mate. What always keeps me going is my dedication to my work, friends and family. I always have a roof over my head, and food and my plate. We survive because we have no choice, and better days are always around the corner.

Cheers mate. I wish you the best. I will pray for you and your family.

-Cody

[skyhawka4m]

wow.....I am so blessed by this group of people. This has been the hardest two days I've gone through since the passing of my father.

I read and re-read all your posts and will admit to some tears. I am a big baby right now and its mainly for my son.

thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Its amazing when you don't know someone to their face but I know I'd give you all hugs if I saw you in person. God knows I need one........


thank you

[mal998]

John ,
With all the wonderful, caring remarks I've just read, I don't have much to add other than to say I've been where you are, and in time, the pain does subside and end.

It was helpful for me to talk about it with those I could trust, and to coin an old cliche, it was "one day at a time". That's how I got through. At the end of that dark night the sun rose brightly and I met the person that I was meant to be with. That was over 10 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't give thanks for what I went through and understand why it happened the way it did.

My hope is that each day your pain will be just a little less until there is no more.

You and your son are in my prayers.

mal

[skyhawka4m]

I wanted to share a photo from a couple years ago...this was my son's very first airshow and yep...we had to have our picture taken with a P-51D......


44157

[roger-wilco-66]

ahhh father and son on a field trip :-) That brings a smile to my face! Thats quality time. I already drag my little one (2.5 years) to the local airfield all the time - he loves it, of course!

:ernae:
Mark

[Lateral-G]

ahhh father and son on a field trip :-) That brings a smile to my face! Thats quality time. I already drag my little one (2.5 years) to the local airfield all the time - he loves it, of course!

:ernae:
Mark

My 13 y/o drags me all the time to the local airfiled all the time :mixedsmi:

Must be from all the time I took him when he was younger.

[Sid2008]

I have been through a divorce myself, so I suppose I can give you a few survival pointers:
1) find a way to convince yourself that you will survive this, because in reality you will survive this
2) understand that there are people there who love you and want you to succeed and be happy
3) focus doing some good work that you personally enjoy very much, even if that be simulated aviation
4) always have hope for a better future, because in most cases future will be better
5) MOST IMPORTANT: learn something important from you marriage and divorce about what is right and what is wrong in marriage and family life, and if you re-marry, please do everything in your power to avoid past errors.

Just my 2 cents.
Take care,
Sid

[skyhawka4m]

I have been through a divorce myself, so I suppose I can give you a few survival pointers:
1) find a way to convince yourself that you will survive this, because in reality you will survive this
2) understand that there are people there who love you and want you to succeed and be happy
3) focus doing some good work that you personally enjoy very much, even if that be simulated aviation
4) always have hope for a better future, because in most cases future will be better
5) MOST IMPORTANT: learn something important from you marriage and divorce about what is right and what is wrong in marriage and family life, and if you re-marry, please do everything in your power to avoid past errors.

Just my 2 cents.
Take care,
Sid


Thank you very much people. There have been many very emotional talks, nothing mean or angry, but frankly I think what is done is done. As many of you have said its gonna be very hard for the next couple to few months but in the end.....I am keeping hope that it will get better. I talked to a freind today and talked about how, for my marrriage, I've sacrificed many things up to and including loosing touch with friends, and my love of aviation photography. I did this so that I could focus on my wife and son to have a successful marriage. Little did I know that there were other things that were bothering her more. These things would come and go but in the end she was tired of the repetition. These things were not all my own fault but she refuses to understand that and accept her part in this. I have talked to her until I'm blue in the face and tears but it now seems.......its over. She has agreed to be understanding and not demanding and I am, maybe blindly, taking her word at it. I do intend on having our agreement signed before we agree to give our notice to our current landlord. I thank god that we don't have alot of the money issues that many have.

Anyway...sorry to ramble folks.....but really....thank you for all your support where ever you are. Its awesome what the power of the interent is capable of and how it can band a group of people from all over the world to have something like this in common.


Thank You!

[Phantom88]

Sounds like you're putting the Truck in gear and moving forward already John:applause:Fantastic!!

[Ascua02]

Completely agree with Phantom88!

Way to go! You are going to have a rough ride but it will get eventually easier and smoother.

And if you feel like rambling... Ramble, dang it, that's what friends are for.

Keep going, my man, keep going.

Jose Angel

[SpaceWeevil]

My heart goes out to you and your son. It is possible to have a 'good' divorce; the key, for us anyway, was to focus on the children and make things as painless as possible for them. That, more than anything else, kept things civil - we never argued or criticised each other in front of them, and never fought over money or access. Five years on we're no longer partners (we're both with other people, and much happier) but we are both still parents, very much so. I wish you and your son well.

[Jetmechanic]

Skyhawk yu will be so better off without her. I went throught the smaeting last year but she was cheating on me when i was in basic training and tech school and lied about everything. So I got a P.I. on her but and caught her. SO now she is paying me money and I am so much happyier in life. I have got to meet new people in my life friends what i will always keep in touch with. My divorce will be finally over on Aug29. Case closed :)

[PilatusTurbo]

Wow, this is ironic. I just started converting to FSX, just a week after my marriage began to erode away.

I know almost exactly where you are, and even though I'm 20 years younger, and have only been with her three and a half years, married for 18 months, it sucks either way. I moved out from the very complicated situation.

I'm beside myself sometimes, and ok others. We don't have children, so I can not imagine that part, but yeah, it f'n hurts.

It lends me hope to see that others can survive it, and many have. I was talking to one of my RN pals from the hospital I work at, and I told her that I feel like I'm up there flying solo now.

But, I realized I've got a formation of friendly fighters flying right off both my wings. My Father, Mother, Brother, and my room mate and best friend of 18 years and my few but true friends aside of him.

You're not alone, even though sometimes we want to believe we are. You've got friends and family up there flying form with you, and they'll turn and dogfight and boom and zoom with you no matter what. Those that fall out of the formation never were your friends to begin with.

Mom always told me, you'll have many acquaintances in life, but very few true friends. Hold on to the true friends.

Stay strong, buddy. There are others out there fighting this horrible battle with ya, even though you may not know it.

[skyhawka4m]

hey group.... thank you so much for taking the time of writting that nice note. things have calmed a bit but alas.....our relationship as husband and wife is over. I have been able to at least nail down that an almost 95% chance that she has met someone, someone has been talking her up, or she has been eyeing someone up. too many things she says or has done don't make sense. She has made this out to be my fault and even today she went on a rant that this started from day 1 of our marriage...13 YEARS AGO!?!?!? WTF???? are you serious......why would ANYONE put themselves through 13 years of a ****ty marriage, I know I wouldn't. Personally...I think she's full of dung.

Don't get me wrong....I love this woman with all my heart and soul. I was true to my vows and planned to die with them in my heart. To be honest, she's more religous than I am and I asked for us to go talk to the paster and she said that nothing he could say was changing her mind. I offered counseling for us....NO! I am so worried for my son, and now she is giving me grief to not buy him so much, says I'm bribing him.....I love my son and if I can do it...he will have what he wants....period.

Today my son and I spent the entire day together and just now got home. I had alot of fun and even got together with the best man from my wedding......a great friend he is. He gave me some good words and talk and I'm thankful for people like him and everyone here. In the end, I must admit, I was pretty bummed inside that my wife was not with us. We all as a family did everything together 90% of the time. It hurts.


sorry for rambling.......

[N2056]

Wow.

Although you have said that the intent is to do this in a "clean" manner my gut is screaming lawyer at this point, and the sooner the better.

[warchild]

I havent made any comment here so far because I've never been married and feel i dont really have the right to post because i dont have any understanding. But i do understand pain, and losing everything that is precious to you in one unexpected moment.. but, I am here, for what little that may be worth. Youve been in my prayers, and will remain there..
Pam

[skyhawka4m]

I havent made any comment here so far because I've never been married and feel i dont really have the right to post because i dont have any understanding. But i do understand pain, and losing everything that is precious to you in one unexpected moment.. but, I am here, for what little that may be worth. Youve been in my prayers, and will remain there..
Pam



thank you very much.....been doing alot of praying myself lately.

[BrittMac]

I deal with a HUGE number of divorces and child custody issues (no, I am not a lawyer), and I will go ahead and say a couple things. First, good luck. It is a hard road from my experiences with divorces. Second, get an attorney NOW!

I cannot tell you how many times I have had to talk to a parent and tell them that I could not help them because there is no court paperwork saying I could. Don't misunderstand the court paperwork thing too. Many people show me paperwork agreed upon in an attorneys office between their attorneys, but that is not a legal document(depending on the state I guess). It needs to be from a Judge in most states. Call somebody and get some info and get the ball rolling. It sounds like she already has something in motion, so take care of yourself.
I can't say that I love dealing with lawyers, but I can't tell you how many times I have seen a good parent trying to do the right thing get the shaft.
Take care,
Brandon

[stansdds]

I'm slow to give advice, but after reading the previous posts, it sounds like she simply wants something else or someone else in her life. You offered counseling and talking with your pastor, she refuses? Sadly, I think her mind is made up and changing that decision may be impossible. Sometimes people just want a massive change, perhaps they are in a mid-life crisis and see divorce as the answer. Sometimes they become infatuated with something or someone and they think they would be better pursuing that rather than staying with the one who actually loves them. There can be so many reasons, but if the person who seeks the divorce is unwilling to take the steps that can save and strengthen a marriage, then divorce becomes inevitable.

At this point, you need to continue to do the right things. Don't be suckered into confrontations, that can be turned against you during the divorce. I would advise you to retain the services of a good attorney as these things often start out civil, but turn nasty. Stick with your son, buying him lots of stuff isn't the answer. Spending time with him and showing him love is the answer. He may need the services of a counselor. As a child, I watched my parents divorce and it was unnerving. It's a life altering event, the outcome will be determined by the amount of love and understanding he is shown.

I wish you all the best.

[Ascua02]

Man, that is an almost exact duplication of what happened to me, and I know there was somebody else, nothing to do.
Get a lawyer to keep everything straigth and above board (and I mean ASAP) and specially to protect yourself.
For the rest I completely agree with stansds, the kid need love and his father, not lots of things and disregard what your wife says about "bribing", that is part of trying to justify herself.

Finally remember: in this order
Take care of yourself.
Take care of your kid.
Keep going, you KNOW you're doing the right thing.

Saludos hermano

Jose Angel

[mal998]

I have to agree with those who have said retain the services of an attorney.

At a time like this, you need an advocate, and that's what an attorney brings to the table.

[gaucho_59]

Well, here is what I can say... I went through something similar back in 1991... with someone I thought I had bonded for life... I just never thought I'd survive it at first... I was left with two sons... one from my first marriage of 23 years whose Mom left for Heaven... and the other from my second marriage in Italy... (he chose to stay with us... me and his brother)...
Well, to make a story short, I remained single for a good 10 years in Italy... and then, out of the blue came this beautiful blonde lady whom I should have met back in 1960... and the rest is history... we have travelled all over the world.. Germany, Hawaii, Korea, Germany again and then finally here to Palms Springs in Southern Cal... I am happy as I never was before and hope I can last a few more years in this bliss... Whatever wisdom guides our steps on this earth works in misterious ways... and like Forrest Gump said... "life is like a box of candies... you never know what you are going to get... and I add: The best is yet to come...


44472

[skyhawka4m]

These last few days have been a true trial of life. Today of all days is my 13th wedding anniversary......I felt so weird not buying anything......she has been out all day with my son, and I'm here alone. I can't get motivated to do much of anything and I know I shiouldn't be like this but today....its extra painful.

I know in time it will get a bit easier day by day but its good to know I can come here and still see this thread going.......thank you guys. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

I have been scheduled and appt. to seek advise next Monday....got a break on the price becuase of a frind so lets hope its helpful to me.

[fsafranek]

Ah man, I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. I was where you are over five years ago and I still wish I had a time machine to go back ten years and try to fix it.

I'll send you a PM with a link to a website I highly recommend you check out. Chatting about it here is good. It's great that you've reached out but this other place will help immensely. If your boss is a friend and knows your family let him know about this. This is going to effect your work and it will go much easier if he knows. You don't have to tell the world, they'll figure it out eventually. But do reach out to one or two guy friends who you trust and who will side with you and give you support. Meet with one of them weekly.

We did it clean, wrote up our own MSA, and we still talk to each other and ask each other's opinion. The best thing we ever did was have our daughter; she remains the glue that will always keep us in each other's lives.

Oh, and Happy Anniversary, Man. :kilroy:</SPAN>

[mal998]

Here is something you might find helpful. See if you can find a local therapy group or church affiliated group to get invoved with. It not only will give you a place to go where other people can relate to your situation, but also gives you a place to express what you are going through. The point is you don't have to isolate and go through this alone. Check in with your local mental health folks or Pastor.