Snuffy
December 2nd, 2010, 12:16
5 Funny Stories Straight From Santa's Lap
Santa's Mall Helpers Share Christmas Secrets
Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice, and this holiday season, the men who put on the red suit are spilling the beans about how kids, and adults, behave on Santa's lap.
From kids who cry and the reasons why, to parents who think they can use their kids to prank the jolly old elf, Santa has seen it all.
With the help of Santa Mike from Chicago and Santa Robert from Cincinnati, we've compiled some stories that will give you a holiday chuckle.
We begin with a conversation that should have remained private.
'I Farted' - Kids Say The Darndest Things
Sometimes what happens on Santa's lap, should stay on Santa's lap. Unfortunately, parents won't always let that happen.
One little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, was telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas when something unfortunate happened.
"Santa, I farted," the boy whispered.
"I know, it's OK," Santa said to him.
Unfortunately, the boy's mother was listening in on the conversation because she wanted to know what her son wanted. But since the boy whispered that part, she had to ask the question out loud.
"What? What did he say he wanted for Christmas?" she asked.
The little boy chimed back as loud as he could, "No mother, I farted!"
Mom immediately began looking for a crack in the floor to crawl in.
Kids really do say the darndest things, and they ask the darndest questions, too. See what we mean in the next story.
Kids Are Honest & Curious - Not Even Santa Can Get Much Past A Child
You can't get much past a child. Even if you're Santa.
One Santa says that he chews gum or uses breath mints, because kids are very honest about whether Santa's breath stinks. Sometimes that honesty hurts Santa's feelings.
One little girl, about 5 years old, was rattling off her Christmas wish list, when she paused to ask Santa a question.
"Are you chewing gum?" she asked.
Santa, taken aback by the question, admitted that yes, in fact, he was chewing gum.
"Why are you chewing gum?" she asked.
Santa fessed up and admitted that he chews gum so that his breath would be nice for the children.
"OK," she said, and went back to her list without skipping a beat.
This little girl got a little distracted with the task at hand. But the girl in our next story knows exactly what she wants and how she's going to get it.
She Knows What She Wants - This Girl Made A List And Checked It More Than Twice
Santa is accustomed to kids bringing their lists with them when they visit him. But one little girl really knew what she wanted and how to get it.
The girl, about 6 years old and dressed in her frilliest dress, sat on Santa's lap and proceeded to read more than 20 items off of her list -- everything from Barbies and dolls to a particular brand of baby carriage.
As the little girl reached the end of her list, she turned to Santa and said, "If you can't bring all of this, don't worry. My daddy will give it to me."
"Do you want to give me the list?" Santa asked.
"No, I think I should keep it for my daddy," she replied.
Santa agreed.
This little girl was on a mission. So is the little boy in our next story, only his motivation was a bit different.
The Kid Wants A Sandwich - Hey, When You're Hungry, You're Hungry
It's not always toys that kids want for Christmas. Santa gets some other unusual requests.
One 6-year-old boy sat on Santa's lap and when it came to telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he said, "A sandwich."
Santa notes that the boy didn't look underfed or that he had missed any meals, but that was all the boy said he wanted.
Once the boy left Santa's lap, his mother came over to ask Santa what her son wanted.
Santa told her the boy wanted a sandwich.
"You're serious?" she asked.
The boy's mother said they had just eaten before going to see Santa and had no idea why he would say such a thing.
Santa may inspire hunger in some children. But for some adults, he inspires romance.
The Matchmaker - Santa Lends Hand As Man Pops The Question
It's not only kids who make their way onto Santa's lap. There's something about the jolly man in the red suit that sparks a bit of romance in certain couples.
One Santa says that he sees about two or three young men every season who use Santa to help propose to their girlfriends. Sometimes it works like a charm. Other times, not so much.
In one case, the suitor was positive that his girlfriend would ask Santa for an engagement ring.
But when Santa asked the young lady what she wanted, her reply was, "A refrigerator for our new condo."
Her boyfriend stood nearby, perplexed. Santa seeing the sweat beginning to form on his forehead asked, "Are you sure there isn't anything else you want?"
"No, I think that's it," she replied.
Santa asked her if she wanted something else one more time, not for her sake, but for the boyfriend's.
The boyfriend finally took the hint, got down on one knee and proposed.
This time, she said yes. How's that for good will toward men?
Santa's Mall Helpers Share Christmas Secrets
Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice, and this holiday season, the men who put on the red suit are spilling the beans about how kids, and adults, behave on Santa's lap.
From kids who cry and the reasons why, to parents who think they can use their kids to prank the jolly old elf, Santa has seen it all.
With the help of Santa Mike from Chicago and Santa Robert from Cincinnati, we've compiled some stories that will give you a holiday chuckle.
We begin with a conversation that should have remained private.
'I Farted' - Kids Say The Darndest Things
Sometimes what happens on Santa's lap, should stay on Santa's lap. Unfortunately, parents won't always let that happen.
One little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, was telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas when something unfortunate happened.
"Santa, I farted," the boy whispered.
"I know, it's OK," Santa said to him.
Unfortunately, the boy's mother was listening in on the conversation because she wanted to know what her son wanted. But since the boy whispered that part, she had to ask the question out loud.
"What? What did he say he wanted for Christmas?" she asked.
The little boy chimed back as loud as he could, "No mother, I farted!"
Mom immediately began looking for a crack in the floor to crawl in.
Kids really do say the darndest things, and they ask the darndest questions, too. See what we mean in the next story.
Kids Are Honest & Curious - Not Even Santa Can Get Much Past A Child
You can't get much past a child. Even if you're Santa.
One Santa says that he chews gum or uses breath mints, because kids are very honest about whether Santa's breath stinks. Sometimes that honesty hurts Santa's feelings.
One little girl, about 5 years old, was rattling off her Christmas wish list, when she paused to ask Santa a question.
"Are you chewing gum?" she asked.
Santa, taken aback by the question, admitted that yes, in fact, he was chewing gum.
"Why are you chewing gum?" she asked.
Santa fessed up and admitted that he chews gum so that his breath would be nice for the children.
"OK," she said, and went back to her list without skipping a beat.
This little girl got a little distracted with the task at hand. But the girl in our next story knows exactly what she wants and how she's going to get it.
She Knows What She Wants - This Girl Made A List And Checked It More Than Twice
Santa is accustomed to kids bringing their lists with them when they visit him. But one little girl really knew what she wanted and how to get it.
The girl, about 6 years old and dressed in her frilliest dress, sat on Santa's lap and proceeded to read more than 20 items off of her list -- everything from Barbies and dolls to a particular brand of baby carriage.
As the little girl reached the end of her list, she turned to Santa and said, "If you can't bring all of this, don't worry. My daddy will give it to me."
"Do you want to give me the list?" Santa asked.
"No, I think I should keep it for my daddy," she replied.
Santa agreed.
This little girl was on a mission. So is the little boy in our next story, only his motivation was a bit different.
The Kid Wants A Sandwich - Hey, When You're Hungry, You're Hungry
It's not always toys that kids want for Christmas. Santa gets some other unusual requests.
One 6-year-old boy sat on Santa's lap and when it came to telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he said, "A sandwich."
Santa notes that the boy didn't look underfed or that he had missed any meals, but that was all the boy said he wanted.
Once the boy left Santa's lap, his mother came over to ask Santa what her son wanted.
Santa told her the boy wanted a sandwich.
"You're serious?" she asked.
The boy's mother said they had just eaten before going to see Santa and had no idea why he would say such a thing.
Santa may inspire hunger in some children. But for some adults, he inspires romance.
The Matchmaker - Santa Lends Hand As Man Pops The Question
It's not only kids who make their way onto Santa's lap. There's something about the jolly man in the red suit that sparks a bit of romance in certain couples.
One Santa says that he sees about two or three young men every season who use Santa to help propose to their girlfriends. Sometimes it works like a charm. Other times, not so much.
In one case, the suitor was positive that his girlfriend would ask Santa for an engagement ring.
But when Santa asked the young lady what she wanted, her reply was, "A refrigerator for our new condo."
Her boyfriend stood nearby, perplexed. Santa seeing the sweat beginning to form on his forehead asked, "Are you sure there isn't anything else you want?"
"No, I think that's it," she replied.
Santa asked her if she wanted something else one more time, not for her sake, but for the boyfriend's.
The boyfriend finally took the hint, got down on one knee and proposed.
This time, she said yes. How's that for good will toward men?