tigisfat
January 26th, 2010, 12:34
Breaking news:
>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
> threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." a
> Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
> even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
> blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
>
> Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."
>
> The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was
> during the great fire of 1666.
>
> The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
> Bastards" They don't have any other levels.
>
> This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British
> army for the last 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
> alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
> are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
> fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing
> the country's military capability.
>
> It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
> has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations"
>
> and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
> to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
>
> levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
>
> These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
> navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their
> allies, just in case.
>
> New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
>
> Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
> spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in
> the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
> escalation, which is "Sh!t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
>
> Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain,
> "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of
> the final escalation level.
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>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
> threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." a
> Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
> even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
> blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
>
> Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."
>
> The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was
> during the great fire of 1666.
>
> The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
> Bastards" They don't have any other levels.
>
> This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British
> army for the last 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
> alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
> are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
> fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing
> the country's military capability.
>
> It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
> has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations"
>
> and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
> to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
>
> levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
>
> These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
> navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their
> allies, just in case.
>
> New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
>
> Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
> spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in
> the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
> escalation, which is "Sh!t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
>
> Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain,
> "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of
> the final escalation level.
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